“If you could talk to your twenty-year-old self today, what would you say first? ”
The interviewer’s question hung in the air. I didn’t have to think long. “Keep going,” I said.
“Enjoy what you have and always stay busy. Take life as it comes. Don’t try to plan everything out in advance, and don’t worry about every single problem. You can’t solve them all on your own anyway.
”
I was asked the same question again later, and my answer was different. I wouldn’t want to go back to my twenties. I really don’t like my life the way it is today. People say, “Oh, the good old days, if only I could be young again.
” Not me. I’d rather move forward and see what’s still ahead of me. What comes next interests me more. Another time, I answered that I’d tell my younger self exactly what I’ve tried to do my whole life: don’t forget to have fun, even when you have responsibilities and serious matters.
Be honest with yourself. And don’t expect people to be the way you’ve imagined them to be. Everyone has their good sides and their flaws. The sooner you accept that, the less of your life you’ll waste trying to fix other people.
Get up and do more. Go out, travel, try things. I was too cautious. Fear kept me at home too often.
“What do you mean? ” the interviewer asked. “Where would you have wanted to go? ”
Anywhere.
A trip to another country, even just to the sea. I could have seen more, but long journeys terrified me. I still don’t like planes to this day. When I was twenty, I barely remember it.
I was still studying, and already I had a husband and a young son. Everything happened very quickly. Before I could even think, I was responsible for my whole family. I would tell any young woman: think twice before marrying a man whose work will always matter more than home.
That’s a difficult marriage. I’d also say, go your own way, don’t stop, and try to love people even when they don’t always deserve it. And learn to enjoy the place where you are, right now. It might surprise people, but I’d also say: pray.
Not everything can be changed with your own hands. Faith sometimes doesn’t change the situation itself—it changes the person who has to go through it. The interviewer asked what people misunderstand most about old age. Some people think you can just sit an old person down in a corner and never ask them anything, as if we don’t have opinions of our own.
Not everyone keeps their memory and strength. I was lucky. I still have my mind, my hearing, and I know what’s going on around me. So please, don’t decide things for me as long as I can still answer for myself.
They say old age can’t be pleasant. Maybe. You notice things you never had time for before. But it can also be worse than young people think.
Without friends, in loneliness, or without a good memory, old age can be heavy. “What would you say to someone who’s afraid of aging? ”
There’s no choice, so you have to make the best of what you’ve been given. No one is going to live your life for you.
Young people think aging is very hard. I’d say it happens all too easily. “What do you mean? ”
They think life shrinks with age.
It doesn’t have to. If I decide that I’m not allowed to do anything anymore, I really will start living that way. Life changes its form, but a person doesn’t lose their value or their curiosity. You’re still yourself.
You just move slower. I was asked how it truly feels to live at this age. For me, it’s a bit of a miracle. People in my family didn’t live this long.
I’ve already passed the age my parents reached. A few months ago I had a bad fall, which is why I live here now. I never thought that at this age I’d have to learn to ask for help. To be honest, I didn’t believe I’d live to see eighty-five.
I treat every new day as a gift. “What is it like to be ninety-two? ”
The same as always. I have plenty of energy, and I can do almost anything if I give myself more time.
I don’t run anymore, that’s true. But besides that, age is just a number. If you keep telling yourself you’re old, your body starts to believe it. Don’t make your age your entire identity.
Do what you still can. “And what about being ninety-seven? ”
I’ve been lucky. I fell twice, broke my arm and my wrist, and yet I can do almost everything by myself again.
The doctor told me to come back in a year. I said a year is a long time, and I don’t know where I’ll be then. I meant it completely seriously. At this age, you don’t plan too far ahead.
But every ordinary day tastes sharper. I’ve been through a lot, and I don’t need to be surprised by it every day. “You look wonderful. What is it like to be ninety?
”
Normal. If my legs worked like they used to, I’d probably still be working somewhere, or at least leaving the house all the time. My legs don’t cooperate anymore. In my head I have plans, only my body doesn’t ask for my opinion.
I’m healthy. I can walk and go where I want—no, wait. With every task, I need help. That’s why, at least for now, aging is even interesting to me.
I was asked about the secret to happiness. You have to make your own secret. If you wait for someone to bring you happiness, you may wait forever. You have to learn to live with people.
Sometimes you agree, sometimes you don’t. When there’s no common solution, you have to let it go. Be yourself and notice the moment. We have one life that we remember.
I believe that maybe we come back more than once. Maybe we’ve already lived hundreds of times. I can’t prove it. But that thought gives me patience.
You also need to have fun. I sang a lot. I had a small trio, and we drove to performances. Those are my best memories.
For me, the key is faith. When a person knows God and can trust him, they carry something more than fleeting satisfaction. Happiness can come from outside. Joy is deeper, and it stays even when the day doesn’t go your way.
I can’t explain it better. For me, happiness and joy are simply two different things. “Do you regret anything in your life? ”
No.
Although, I wouldn’t marry the same man a second time. Apart from that, I won’t complain. Another time, I admitted I have various regrets, but not all of them are worth telling. Most of them don’t hurt anymore.
“What do you mean? ”
I regret words said at the wrong moment. A single sentence can stay inside a person for years. I don’t want to hurt anyone by failing to stay silent.
You have to be good to others and to yourself, without exceptions. Constantly punishing yourself doesn’t make anyone better. If I could live my life again, I’d do most things the same way. But I really wish I had traveled more.
I still have a long list of places I’ll probably never see. After my fall, my life changed. I broke my thigh bone and believed I would return home. My sons said it might not work out.
I wanted to prove them wrong. Unfortunately, they were right. Today I travel through the photos my children and grandchildren take. When they go somewhere, I ask for pictures.
That way, a piece of their journey reaches me. When I was very young, I got pregnant without being married. My parents were furious and ashamed. For a long time, I looked at myself through their eyes.
With the years, everything calmed down. My parents came to love the child, and they stopped returning to that anger. That’s when I understood that the most valuable things in life are people, especially your own children. Shame passes, but the person stays.
“What is one piece of advice you would give to others? ”
Be good to yourselves. I don’t stay angry for long, because it brings nothing. When my children did something stupid, I rolled my eyes.
They laughed, and the problem shrank. I still enjoy life. I tell my children not to despair after I’m gone. I’ve had a good life, I traveled, and I have no right to complain.
Be good to people, but also be good to yourself. If you hate yourself, it’s hard to give another person real love. “How do you learn to love yourself? ”
I like myself because I still enjoy the day.
I’m alive. I have my own opinions, and I haven’t said my last word. I’m fine here. People are kind, and I give them the same back.
That’s enough for me. Don’t be harsh. Love people, because love answers more questions than we think. It doesn’t solve everything, but without it, almost nothing can be repaired.
Be good, kind, and patient to yourselves. Not only when the other person behaves the way you want. “And what do you do when kindness seems impossible? ”
Pray briefly and simply, then take one good step.
You’ll see the rest of the road later.