Oliver Anthony’s New Album Debut Outperforms Every Single One of Taylor Swift’s

Oliver Anthony, possibly the biggest breakout artist since Elvis Presley, hit the music scene with his first full album, “Hymnal: A Look Inside a Disturbed Guy’s Mind” or something similar. The album immediately shot to number one across all charts, breaking every single one of Taylor Swift’s album debuts along the way.

“My favorite song turns out to be the most controversial,” Anthony told us in an exclusive interview, “I named it ‘I Don’t Care About Your Pronouns’ because I thought it was funny, not to take a shot at anyone in particular.”

Much like the issues surrounding the use of Fudge Rounds in his first hit single, that one song I can’t remember right now, the song touches on men staying men and women being the only ones having babies, which aligns with Anthony’s biblical views.

“I believe in the Bible,” said Anthony, “Even though I have a lot of intelligent things to add to the conversation, I choose to interject religion into my performances, which helps perpetuate the idea that I’m on the right somehow. And also I’m not on the left.”

ALLOD Phsycoanalisticator Tara Newhole says Anthony’s condition is likely tied to his admitted drinking problems and his inevitable final run-in with a 12-step program. “The girls are hotter in NA,” said Newhole, “but AA now also allows occasional crackheads and opiate dumpsters who also drink a lot, which has really opened up the 13th-stepping in those sacred rooms for a popular guy like Oliver.”

At the end of the day, Ollie beat Tay Tay, or so the guy who’s at least pretending to be him says. We’re pretty sure it’s him. He knew his stage name was Chris something, so we figured that was close enough.

Anyway congratulations to the big guy and we look forward to stretching this one all the way to next year’s Grammys. God Bless

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